Women have been proven to release stronger smelling farts than men. So is it recommended for women to fart loud and be un-ladylike? Well not really, though the smell is overpowering, women are safer going for silent farts because loud ones can be blasphemous.God forbid, if the female fart is loud with terrible effects.. the embarrassment is enough to equate her to being naked in a room full of people A loud fart is risky and if you leave a loud one at your boss' cabin or at a dinner party, then you can bring the world to a grinding halt for two seconds. Well, women really are the stronger species.
Since smelly female ones are embarrassing and the loud farts scandalous, how can women fart (The same God who made love, made farts as well)and still be okay with it, societally speaking?
Here is some smart fart tactics for women so that you can fart smart and silently. As for men, we know you are animals.
Here is how women can fart silently and discreetly:
1. Relax your butt muscles and lift your bum off your chair bit by bit. You can accomplish this by shifting your weight on one side of your butt.
2. Let your fart come out a little at a time. Make a conscious effort to control your fart. If you slowly let the air come out a little at a time, there will less air inside which means the croak sound will muffle out.
3. If you are not able to let the fart out slowly, go to the bathroom and explode the bombshell.
4. If you know your fart will follow your orders, talk loudly, pull the chair or go to a place where there is music and let the fart zoom out. You need to time your farts to perfection, lady.
5. Sit down when you get the urge to fart. Find a soft cushion and sit your ass on it. Even if your fart is loud, the cushion will be able to muffle the loudness.
6. Lean to one side unassumingly. You only need to lean so much that you have your weight on one butt cheek. Then, scoot yourself in such a manner that when you put your other butt cheek down on the couch, the two are somewhat spread apart from one another. When your bum cheeks are spread, there will be no noise, just rush of air. Tight butt cheeks makes for a louder, high pitched farts.
7. Go to a roomful of people and have a blast..which means shoot your fart. Even if you are loud or smelly, no one will know it is you, because commoners usually equate farts with that pot bellied beer drinking bloke.
8. Don’t hold back your farts, babe. If you do, your tight butt cheeks which are an envy of other women and a reason to ogle for guys, may just squeeze the fart and what will come out will be a tuneful squeak. The last thing you want is your butt playing the mouth organ music in public.
9. Do not sit on a hard chair or furniture; they exemplify the sound of your farts.
10. Cut out beans, ice-creams, chocolates, dairy products, vegetables, colas, fast foods, fruit from your diet. But then how would you live? So we can skip the last option.
Disadvantage for the woman who muffles the sound of her fart:
If you muffle the sound of your fart, woman; you may end up leaving the smelly, nasty, odor-rich fart that will disturb the oxygen flow in the environment.
Disclaimers to the fart silent and smart etiquette:
1. Your butt is the best judge of whether it should release a loud one or a silent smelly one. So some of the time, you may find out that your fart may be louder despite your attempt to shut it up.
2. Balls to the world, if your fart is loud, enjoy the sound and let the others take the tension.
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