A Super Hero

I’ve noticed that they have been making a lot of comic book heroes into feature films lately. These super heroes possess some super human power or characteristic that sets them apart from mortal man. As much as they try to live normal lives they can never escape the fact that they are who they are, underneath the seemingly obvious disguises. I often wonder why they do not make real super heroes that real people can relate to like, “Bad Credit Man”, here to restore credit for mail ordering to all the universe. He fights against THE BIG THREE on our daily planet better known as The Bureaus. Or what about lightning fast “Lush Lady, The Super Drinker”…Tossing down the hooch faster than a speeding liver transplant. She’d have two sidekicks. One sidekick is named just that, “Sidekick”. She posses the ability to continuously flip the screen on that fuckin’ sidekick toy phone telepathically to see “Where da part-tay at?”. Her partner is no other than the “Good Time Girl”. She’s able to magically appear in any given club’s VIP, uninvited. With one blast of the mystical fu-fu dust to the face of her victim, they’ll sleep with her and not even bother to call her afterwards. No celebrity, athlete, or fashion designer is immune to her powers.

I can’t relate to being faster than a speeding bullet or bending steel with my bare hands. I can, however, relate to road rage so why not make a hero called, “Road Rage”? There’s no disguise needed for road rage right? When you are disrespected while sitting behind the wheel, it makes you mad. Can’t you feel the adrenaline rushing your veins as you are getting stronger? “Bastard cut me off”, you’d say to yourself while putting your foot on the gas. Pull up to the window of the other driver and flash them the super secret road rage signal with your middle finger. Why not? In most cases it’s just as effective as using the bat signal. Um, you know what? I forgot where I was going with this story. So uh, reach deep down inside, use your super human brain power and draw any conclusion from this story that you want. I’m “Tapped Out” man.

-Pan Man